Whelp I have now reached the beginning of the best years of my life, so I’ve been told. I am no longer and will never again be a dreaded teenager (whoa) and the most crucial and fun years of my life await me! To say I’m excited for what is to come is an understatement, however I’m way more excited for what I’m learning and figuring out about myself and life NOW than I am about the future. In the next five years, my future holds two more years of college and applying for grad school, then grad school itself and finding a place to live and hopefully call home, then somehow someday moving to Hawaii and living happily ever after writing my SLP evaluations on sandy beaches and spending my breaks with a surfboard and an endless ocean…
But now, now I learn who I am, what makes me tick, and how to love. This may be a touchy subject, but one year ago I was in Southern California for spring break visiting a boyfriend, thinking to myself: a) this is somebody I want to be with for the rest of my life, and b) how on earth does he love me and why should he? Having a boyfriend and transitioning into adulthood may work for some people, but I don’t suggest it. I needed to learn who I am and I need to love myself before I can let anyone else say that they love me, or actually love me at that (excluding family of course that’s a given. Love you guys).
So finally, with all of that being a lead up to why I actually decided to write this post, I love myself!
You always hear people with cheesy “love yourself first” quotes and all of that, but seriously once it hits you it isn’t cheesy at all. It’s simply a result of truly knowing who you are and actually really liking that person. It took me moving 8,000 miles from home to realize the facts that have been there my whole life, but at the same time it took me 20 years to appreciate these facts and I appreciate them so much more because of my simple experiences. I’ve realized that I absolutely love my carelessness. Keep in mind that there is a difference between carelessness and laziness, and I’m not talking about my everyday laziness – like not putting my cereal bowl in the dish washer – but my carelessness regarding ME. For example: as long as my hair is clean, I don’t care at all what it looks like (unless of course I’m going somewhere important). I rocked the ballet bun everyday of senior year, and to be honest the second I get back from class my hair still goes back up into my perfected bun. I don’t like to put makeup on in the morning, so unless I have a pimple to cover you may not even see mascara on me. There are a million more examples, but simply put I do care about myself but I’m not trying to impress anybody, and I love that! The confidence that I exude has nothing to do with what anybody thinks of me! Happiness comes from within and it blossoms when you stop caring about the petty day to day problems. Do what you love and be yourself and like minded people will be introduced in the meantime. Also, nobody has time for drama, and honestly we all know that it’s going to work out in the long run, so just stop worrying. It doesn’t even have to be drama it could be anything, but the important fact is that life goes on and everything works out, so there’s no point in stressing out. Live for the experiences and the friends you make. Expand your horizons and take risks. Be genuine and be simple. Expect less and appreciate more. Success (whatever your definition of it is) and love will find their way to you when it’s time, but self love and happiness are what you make of them.
Life is an adventure, so keep exploring it!
~ 20 year old Teryn
Disclaimer: (this should not be necessary to say, but in the event a boy is reading this post) Just because I now “love myself first” DOES NOT mean I want any relationship anytime soon. I’m currently in a relationship with myself so try again in like 5 years. That is all.